


Breaking Binaries

by CookiesandCas



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Awkward Kageyama Tobio, Fluff and Angst, Kageyama Tobio is Bad at Feelings, M/M, Pansexual Hinata Shouyou, Trans Fanfiction From a Trans Author, Trans Hinata Shouyou, Trans Male Character, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-01
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2018-09-21 06:46:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9536552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CookiesandCas/pseuds/CookiesandCas
Summary: In a universe where Hinata Shoyo is born in the female body of Hinata  Shoko, he faces a whole new set of challenges in finding the volleyball team of his dreams and finding acceptance in the horrible awkward years of high school. In a universe where transphobia exists, secrets will be kept and feelings will be hurt.





	1. Chapter 1

 

        The first time Hinata met Kageyama, he knew he’d met someone who’s league he desperately wanted to play in. He was in his last year of junior high, dressed in his libero uniform,and  standing with his teammates as they waited for their next match of the day. The boy was walking with his own teammates who stopped to gawk at Hinata’s team and make lewd comments that make Hinata’s blood boil. But he didn’t say anything. Those boys were much taller and much more intimidating than him. He was fine to brew in disgust until he felt a hand on the small of his back.

        “Hey, short stuff. Aren’t you a little too cute for a libero,” The boy who touched him said.

        Hinata jumped half a meter in order to get away from him, putting his hands up and scowling at him in disgust. “Don’t touch me,” he said in a shaky voice. If his stomach hadn’t been torn up before, it definitely was now.  “And don’t call me that! Despite what you boys seem to think, we’re competitors here and not eye candy. Go away!”

        One of his teammates wrapped an arm around his shoulder and kissed his cheek. “Don’t be a downer, Sho. They’re just be nice,” the girl, Maeko, said with a sweet smile on her face that the boy seemed to appreciate.

        It was Kageyama who came to his rescue. “No, your teammate is right. These girls are athletes as much as we are. Stop distracting them,” he told his team in a bland voice and forced them away to the other side of the hallway. Hinata smiled nervously at him and only got a nod in response.

        They ended up losing in their next match, but all Hinata could take away from the day was the boy with blue eyes who saw them as equals.

 

***

 

        Hinata didn’t see him again for a good several months worth of training harder and harder. In that time, he’d faced a lot of trials. His request to attend Karasuno as a boy was denied over and over again. As it was denied at the other two high schools he had wanted to attend. He’d gotten stronger and began binding his chest outside of school. But he couldn’t start hormones. He couldn’t dress the way he wanted. He couldn’t play on the sports teams he wanted. It was months and months of rejection that was really starting to weigh on his mental health.

        Which was why in the first week of school, rather than making friends with his classmates, he’d gone outside to eat the lunch his mom had prepared for him. In what he had mentally claimed his lunch spot (behind the shed outside the track), he found the very boy he hadn’t thought of in months but was brought back to that day by a look.

        “Oh. Hi,” He said with a bright smile. “I guess we both had the same idea. Usually I’m the only one eating out here,” he said as he sat down beside Kageyama uninvited but it was his lunch spot! He didn’t need to be invited!

        “I guess,” Kageyama said evenly and continued eating without any interest in Hinata. It was a little insulting. Did he not recognize him? Was it the hair cut? Or because he’d grown a couple of inches? Maybe he was just bad with faces.

        “I’m Hinata, by the way,” He said with a bright smile. “We ran into each other at the Junior High Spring tournament. I got to watch you play, but I never caught your name.”

        The other boy looked down at him and sighed softly like it was just a burden to be spoken too! “I’m Kageyama. I saw you play. You’re an incredible libero. Have you joined the girl’s volleyball team?”

        Hinata scrunched his nose and shook his head, deciding instead to look down at his food and played it curiously. “Nah,” he finally managed with a deep sigh.

        “Oh.” Silence hit for a beat. “Why not?”

        “Bad experience with my old team.” More like he was done playing on the wrong sports team. He’d played volleyball again when people recognized him for who he is. “Wanted to be a spiker but it seems like everyone wants me to be a libero,” he complained and picked at his food reluctantly. He couldn’t let himself keep associating dysphoria with the sport he loved so much. He didn’t want to hate volleyball. That would destroy him.

        “Oh.”

        More silence.

        “You were a shitty libero anyway.”

        Hinata startled and looked up at Kageyama, mouth opening to argue with him. But then he snorted and realized it was actually sort of a compliment. Kageyama didn’t look like he’d meant it meanly.

        “Yeah, I was.”

        “Good reflexes though.”

        “You actually watched me?” Hinata tried to hide a smile  by keeping his head down.

        Kageyama was staring down at his food too and just nodded in response, not justifying himself as all. They were mostly quiet for the rest of lunch, but if felt more comfortable.

 

***

        The next day when Hinata returned to his spot for lunch, he found Kageyama there again. He sat down with a cheerful hello and got a much more complacent one in return. He was happy to sit down and eat in their relative silence again. It was good to just not be alone.

        The silence was broken about ten minutes before the end of their lunch period by a deep voice speaking his name which made Hinata look up in surprise. It was Kageyama. He had a volleyball in his hand and he looked suspiciously nervous. “Do you want to pass the volleyball?”

        Hinata’s eyes lit up and he pushed his mostly empty bento off his lap and jumped to his feet. “Always!” he promised and ran a couple of meters away, waiting for the toss and receiving it happily. He bounced it on his arms skillfully before passing back to him. It was easy and friendly and Hinata was grinning the whole time they passed.

        He was still riled up as they picked up their things and had to go back inside. He bounced happily at Kageyama’s side. “We have to do that more! It was so much fun! I miss volleyball! Let’s play every lunch period. You could set to me too! How much fun would that be?” He suggested.

        Kageyama pressed his lips together, doubting him for a moment before nodding. “Okay. But if you’re as horrible a spiker as you are a libero, the deal is off,” he said firmly.

        “Hey!” Hinata protested and shoved his side. “You’ll see! I’m an excellent spiker! I might be short! But I can jump!” He promised and stopped outside his classroom. Kageyama stopped beside him and raised a brow.

        “You’ll need to do much more than jump to meet my standards.”

        Hinata stared up at him for a moment cautiously before challenged flashed in his eyes and he nodded enthusiastically. “Like I _said_ you’ll see.”

        “I hope.”


	2. Chapter 2

       “If you’re scared, we don’t have to do this.”

       Hinata was extremely aware of the words Kageyama uttered to give him an out as he stared up at the net in front of him. His shaggy hair was pulled out his face by a headband and he wore his baggy gym clothes that he hadn’t even had a reason to put on until then. It felt good to hear the squeak of the polished floor under his volleyball shoes that thankfully still fit from last season. Why did the net look so much higher when he was the one that had to put the ball over it?

       He swallowed thickly and glared over at Kageyama. “No. We’re doing this. I didn’t get here before your morning practices just to sit around and do nothing.” He looked up at the net again and nodded to himself. He could do this. With one more look back at his friend and a nod, he took off in a sprint, pushing off the floor with all his might and finding himself soaring above the net. His hand swished by him and the ball hit the wall on the other side of him. As he fell to his feet, he let out a breath. His mouth hung agape and all he could do was stare at the other side of the court.

       “Hinata!” Kageyama yelled, pulling him out of his trancelike state.

       He grinned from ear to ear and picked up another volleyball from the basket, tossing it to Kageyama. “One more!”

       This time went about as good as the last, but each time he asked for one more and Kageyama gave it to him. Again and again and again. Until finally he made sloppy contact. But that’s all they needed to start making consistent contact. Then it happened. Hinata ran towards the net as fast as he’d ever gone, jumped high and swung his arm, and he made that perfect contact with Kageyama’s quick set. His palm burned afterward and all he could do was stare at it in amazement.

       Finally he looked up at Kageyama who was staring at where his ball had hit on the other side. Suddenly their eyes met and after a moment they were both yelling in victory and Hinata jumped up and down in his excitement.

       Then over the sound of their celebration he could hear clapping. He looked over and saw two boys, one with broad shoulders and dark short cropped hair and the other his direct opposite, more lean muscle and with shaggy light brown hair. Kageyama whipped around to see them as well and bowed, apologizing to his senpais.

       “No! No! Don’t apologize. That was something special,” the dark haired boy contended before looking at Hinata. “No one on the team’s been able to manage a quick with Kageyama yet. It was impressive. Do you play for the girl’s team?”

       Hinata crossed his arms over his chest uncomfortably and shook his head. It was horrible how easily that good feeling could be stolen from him but the simple mention that he was different from other boys. Kageyama never treated him differently than other boys. Even if Kageyama didn’t know he was a boy. He treated him like a person. An athlete. A friend. From the very beginning.

       “You should join. They would be lucky to have you. Would you mind sticking around and showing some of our spikers how you managed that,” the dark hair boy requested.

       Again, shaking his head, Hinata declined. “No. I’m sorry. I’ve got to go,” he said and then dashed in a mad sprint out of the gym. He’d spend the next hour crying and pulling himself together for the school day before changing and heading to class.

***

       All three boys frowned as Hinata ran out of the building. Kageyama tried yelling after her, but she was gone before he even got out the door. What was that? Kageyama thought she’d be ecstatic to get to play volleyball again!  She seemed to love it so much for someone who refused to play on a team.

       “I’m sorry, senpais,” Kageyama apologized again only to get a small smile from Suga and a pat to the shoulder from Daichi.

       “Don’t be, Kageyama-san. I’m sure she was just embarrassed,” Daichi assured him. “It was impressive just watching the two of you. You really should talk her into joining the girl’s team. They could use a good spiker. Now how about we clean up and get ready for practice?”

       Kageyama nodded, taking it to heart and deciding he would definitely bring up the topic again at lunch. Then he had to clean up the aftermath of their long drawn out efforts to work together. Despite his concern, his still managed to be a little pissed off that Hinata left him to do all the cleaning up.

***

       Lunch came and Hinata was the first person to their spot. For a moment he worried that he’d upset Kageyama and lost the first real friend he made. He poked at his food with a grimace on his face until he felt a shift beside him and suddenly there was a carton of milk being shoved in his face. He stared at it and slowly looked up the outstretched arm to where Kageyama was staring expectantly. Hinata took the milk and flashed a small smile. Kageyama just simply nodded and they ate their lunch quietly.

       Hinata thought everything was going to be better now, but this time when they both finished their food, instead of Kageyama grabbing his volleyball, he turned to look at Hinata. “Daichi thinks the girl’s team would let you be a spiker.”

       Hinata stared at him blankly for a moment before he remembered his explanation of why he didn’t play volleyball anymore. “Okay. So?”

       “So. Join the team.”

       “No thanks,” Hinata said and grabbed the ball from Kageyama’s bag and flashed a bright smile. “Come on! Play with me! I don’t want to talk about that!”

       Kageyama’s eyebrows were pulled together and his mouth was down-turned at that response. He wanted to ask more questions, but she refused and Kageyama decided to accept her decision not to talk about it. It wasn’t _that_ important anyway. This way he got more time to play with her anyway.

***

       Hinata didn’t know why he was here. Why was he doing this to himself? No. Just watching. Just seeing what kind of team they were. That’s all he was doing. From the balcony in the gym, he watched the girls’ volleyball team stretching for awhile before they started running receiving drills. It was a pretty standard practice, although there didn’t seem to be an obvious captain.

       As it went on, it became obvious that some of the girls were more interested in goofing off that practicing. He gave them a while to rectify the situation, but not much was done. Just as he decided to leave, he got stopped at the door by one of the few girls who seemed serious about the sport.

       “Hey! I saw you watching practice! Are you a first year?”

       Hinata nodded and looked longingly out the door, wishing he could escape this conversation before it could even start.

       “Hinata, right? Daichi told us you were practicing with one of his players. I’m the captain of the girls’ team, Yui! Are you looking to join?” The girl looked so friendly and hopeful.

       Hinata frowned and crossed his arms over his chest as he began rocking from toe to heel. “I am Hinata. But I’m not looking to join any clubs, thanks. I’d rather just focus on school. Good luck with your season,” he said genuinely and turned to leave.

       Yui frowned at his response and reached out to physically stop him. “Just one practice? Come on. No strings attached?”

       Hinata sighed deeply and couldn’t help but feel incredibly torn between his love for the sport and his need to preserve that love. But in the end, the answer was too easy.


	3. Chapter 3

     “You just said no to her?” Kageyama asked as he hit the ball back to Hinata who had to take a step back to receive it properly and hit it back.

     “Why would I tell her anything different?” Hinata scoffed.

     They were outside for lunch the next day and Hinata was telling him about watching the girls’ practice. He’d complained about how there was a serious lack of leadership and motivation. And yet here Kageyama was, still surprised that he’d turned down the offer to join the team! He figured Kageyama of all people would understand not wanting to play with people who didn’t care half as much as he did.

     Kageyama rolled his eyes, bumping the ball back to him in the meanwhile, and spoke again with an annoying lack of understanding of his character. They’d been friends for almost two weeks and he was still stupid enough to say, “Well, I don’t know. You girls all seem to speak a secret language.”

     Hinata caught the ball and gave Kageyama the most tired look the other had ever witnessed. “Kageyama, I promise, I’m just as clueless as you are about secret girl languages,” he promised and shoved the ball at his roughly. He knew it wasn’t particularly fair to be upset with Kageyama over something as innocuous as presuming he’s the gender he pretends to be, but it still hurt. Kageyama was the great equalizer. The person who never even seemed to notice they were different. But obviously he did. And it made Hinata’s heart ache.

     “Are you mad!? What the fuck?” Kageyama yelled, catching the ball as his jaw dropped and his eyes widened. Like it was so impossible for Hinata to be upset! He wasn’t all smiles and rainbows all the time! 

     “Maybe!” Hinata yelled right back. “I thought maybe for once in my life someone saw me as, you know, Hinata Sho instead of just some dumb gossipy school girl! And then you go and act like I’m just like them!” 

     Tears pricked in his eyes, and he felt like the gossipy school girl that Kageyama accused him of being. He wiped at his eyes harshly and ignored the stunned way Kageyama stared at him.

     “You’re crying,” Kageyama said dumbly. Hinata just sniffed and wiped at his face some more like he could hide the evidence of how upset he is. “I don’t get it. You are a girl. Why are you so upset that I can see that?”   
Hinata sniffled some more and shook his head before grabbing his bag roughly. “It’s nothing. No reason. I’ll see you tomorrow, Kageyama.”

     “Hinata!” Kageyama called after him, but he just disappeared inside the building and went to the nearest girl’s bathroom.

     He felt absolutely horrible. His stomach hurt and his eyes ached. He ducked his head under the sink in the bathroom, letting the frigid water run down his head, soaking his hair and collar. After a solid couple of minutes, he shook his hair out and sunk down onto the ground to let himself cry it out. 

     He sobbed and pulled at wet hair and stared down at his body. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong! It was all wrong! Stupid breasts. Stupid vagina. Stupid long hair. Stupid girly eyelashes. Stupid skirt. Stupid blouse. Stupid socks. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Why couldn’t anyone see he’s a boy!?

     He hiccuped as he started to try to catch his breath - minutes and minutes passing, the bell ringing and girls coming in and out of the bathroom while giving him strange looks. Finally he managed to push himself onto shaky feet and walk out into the near empty hallway. In this context, “near empty” means he immediately ran into a boy just about his height who immediately caught him by the shoulder with a bright, bubbly laugh.

     “Woah there. Sorry! Didn’t mean to run into you! You okay?” The other asked, looking him over with concern. He looked about three seconds away from taking him to the nurse so Hinata just nodded vigorously and pushed his damp hair out of his face.

     “Yeah, I’m fine. Just late to class,” he reassured and stepped back away from him. 

     The other perked up at that and looked at the watch on his wrist. “Oh, yeah, me too! See you around!” And then he was running off down the hall, turning into the second year corridor.

     Hinata sighed in relief and trudged his way to his class. The teacher asked for an explanation, but he just shrugged and took his seat. Thankfully he wasn’t sent out to be disciplined. He’d probably start crying again if he was.

***

     The next day Hinata ran into Kageyama before school for once. He was immediately pulled against Kageyama’s chest awkwardly in what he thinks was supposed to be a hug. He frowned and stared up at him in confusion before he had a volleyball shoved at his chest. Hinata's eyes bore down at it before taking it into his hands. It was a nice volleyball. Clean. Well aired. Quality brand. But why was Kageyama giving it to him?

     “When my dad messes up, he gives my mom flowers. I figured flowers were kinda dumb, so I got you a volleyball,” Kageyama explained in a barely-there mumble. 

     “I have a volleyball.”

     The two stared at each other for a long moment before Hinata grinned and threw his arms around Kageyama in as big a hug as he could with the volleyball in his arms. It was Kageyama’s turn to stand there stiffly without responding.

     “I love it! Thank you!” Hinata said happily and began tossing the ball the moment he let go of Kageyama. The taller boy sighed in relief just as the bell rang. “Come on! We’re going to be late.” He was happy to run off and wave goodbye to Kageyama when they passed his class.

***

     It was a couple days later that Hinata ran into the boy from the hallway again. This time, because Kageyama had dragged him along on his mission to get the boy to return to the volleyball team. Hinata didn’t know why  _ he _ had to do it, but he figured a happy Kageyama was better than doing nothing all afternoon. Although, Hinata sure was in for a shock whenever he saw Kageyama pointing out the boy from the hallway out in the courtyard as the one they had to convince to come back to the club.

     Hinata nodded and dragged Kageyama halfway over before walking over on his own. “Nishinoya-san!”

     Slowly the boy turned around, smiling at first and then grimacing when he saw Kageyama like he’d ever said more than two words to the boy. To Nishinoya, it seemed Kageyama was too much of a reminder of the volleyball he wasn’t going to play anymore.

     “Bathroom girl! What are you doing with this punk?” Noya asked, looking back to him with burning eyes that seemed to be accusing him of working with the enemy.

     “It’s Hinata, actually,” Hinata supplied with a soft smile. “You’re a libero, right?”

     “Hmph. Why do you think that? Because I’m short?” The other sat down on the side of a tree and looked up at him with even more scorn than before. Talk about a short temper. Hinata did try his best to hide his smile at his own private joke.

     “Because Kageyama told me so, actually. He says your team calls you their Guardian Deity.”

     That seemed to change Noya’s demeanor. He blushed and his eyes widened. Suddenly his hand went to the back of his neck and he shook his head. “What? He said that? No! Daichi’s wrong. I’m not- I’m not that good, really!”

     Hinata shrugged a little bit. “Well, I want to see that for myself,” he said firmly. At that, Noya sobered and stared at him curiously. “I’m a libero myself. Everyone says you’re amazing. I’d like to see it for myself.”

     After a second, Noya grinned and stood up happily. With one hand on his hip and the other pointing at Hinata. “You have yourself a challenge! But this doesn’t mean I’m coming back to the team. I’m just doing this to have a bit of fun.”

     Hinata grinned happily and bowed his head. “Thank you, Nishinoya-senpai!” Hinata didn’t see it, but Noya sputtered and blushed at the title.

     Before Hinata could even raise his head, Noya was putting his hands on Hinata’s shoulders and in the most intense voice Hinata had ever heard said, “After practice, I’m going to buy you ice cream.”

     Hinata’s brows scrunched together, and he smiled questioningly. “Why’s that?”

     “Because,” Noya said with a proud grin, “I’m your senpai!” 


	4. Chapter 4

                Just like usual. Same thud of feet against the floor. Same whirling of balls flying through air. Same smell of sweat in the air. Same shouts for one more or to try again. Same everything. So why was Hinata so nervous?

                It had been a day since his challenge to Nishinoya, and here he stood in his gym clothes and tennis shoes, staring down a crowded gym full of volleyball players. His hair was tied back out of his face and he kept smoothing down his shirt like it would help his chest look flatter. He didn’t speak to get anyone’s attention and unfortunately, it was Nishinoya himself who first called attention to his presence.

                “Alright!” The smaller boy yelled, jumping into the air and bouncing over giddily. “Warm up! I want to start this competition!”

                Of course, Hinata had never meant it as a competition. He’d just wanted to see Nishinoya play. But he wouldn’t turn down the chance to get back on the court with other people around him. He heard a bald guy comment that Noya couldn’t just go around challenging girls – where was his chivalry?

                Hinata’s stomach turned, but thankfully Kageyama called out to him, agreeing to help him warm up. Of course, this turned out to be a thinly veiled excuse to give him a less than encouraging pep talk.

                “It’s okay if you suck. Nishinoya is one of the best liberos in the country.”

                Pep talk. Hinata sighed and rolled his eyes a bit.  “Yeah, thanks,” he groaned, and rolled his shoulders to relax himself. Once thoroughly stretched, he received a couple hits from Kageyama and ignored the comments he heard from the sidelines.  Which was easier said than done when he heard his name in strings of less than flattering words. Most just doubting his ability.

                Hinata didn’t want to be a libero. Spiking was all he done for months and that was just with Kageyama. But hearing that doubt… it lit a fire in his stomach that had him running harder and diving faster than he’d ever done before.

                The challenge began with them both agreeing that Daichi would serve to them and whoever saved the most balls out of ten would be the winner. Hinata’s stomach turned nervously as he got into position first, legs shoulder width apart, knees bent, and arms at the ready. He watched Daichi bounce the ball and after a moment the ball came soaring over the net.  And right passed his head before he could even move. He frowned as there was laughter, but he just glanced at Kageyama who was standing expressionless until they met eyes. The tall boy just nodded at him and Hinata took a breath to himself.

                The next ball was going to hit close and Hinata had to dive to save it. It hit is head but it still counted.  Damn it. He saved the next three properly and then managed to save one with a jump off the wall. In total, he ended saving seven of the ten balls which he thought was decent enough for anyone. Especially being so out of practice.

                Nishinoya really made him rethink his quality standards. Not only did the smaller boy save all ten balls, but he did it with grace and practiced ease, laughing and even doing tricks like the “rolling thunder” that put hearts in Hinata’s eyes as he watched. It was almost like any rolling receive, but instead of falling into the receive, he was jumping into it.

                Losing hurt, of course. But Hinata was nothing if not a good sport (at least when competing with someone other than Kageyama. He refused to accept any loss to Kageyama).  “That was so cool!” Hinata cried as Noya saved the last ball with his rolling thunder. “You have to teach me how to do that! You got so much air!”

                Noya beamed and rubbed the back of his neck as he explained the technical aspect of it. But before Hinata could try it, Daichi and Tanaka were standing in front of them. Daichi asked Noya if he’d considered coming back to the team and that seemed to turn Noya’s mood sour. He crossed his arms and stared at them.

                “Fine. I’ll come back. But only if Asahi comes back too,” Noya said stubbornly. Daichi and Tanaka exchanged a look and then a nod.

“Okay. We’ll get Asahi back then,” Daichi said agreeably.

 

***

                That same night, Hinata went over to Kageyama’s place for the first time. He had to walk his bike alongside Kageyama the whole way there, but the time was spent with the other boy telling him all about how he could improve his receives and then a descriptive telling of the match he’d missed watching on television the night before.

                When they finally reached their destination and slipped their shoes off at the door, Kageyama yelled for his mom to tell her he was home and had a friend. She came out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on a rag and smiling. What a smile. Hinata could only describe it as a “mom smile” – all warm and beautiful.  Kageyama introduce them and Hinata bowed deeply to show his respect for her.

                “It’s nice to meet you!” Hinata said before standing back up. And already Kageyama was dragging him back to his bedroom, waving off a call from his mom that requested they keep the door open in the nicest voice possible. Hinata didn’t see why, but he accepted it none the less.

                Kageyama’s room wasn’t overly large or anything, but it felt like that with the lack of clutter. It was almost bare, bar the singular perfectly straight poster of a setter for the 2016 Brazil Olympic volleyball team, the bed with dark blue bed spread, and the desk over in the corner. It wasn’t clean by any means. His bed was unmade and he had what looked like homework spattered over his desk. But that was the extent of the mess.

                Kageyama tossed his bags on his bed and then sat on the edge of it, waving for Hinata to come on in before he pulled out a box from under his bed that was filled with magazines, all seeming to be sports magazines and/or specifically focused on volleyball.

                “Woah. That’s impressive,” Hinata said as he sat down beside him, eyes widening at the sheer magnitude. Kageyama flashed a small smile at him and then pulled out a magazine with China’s Lin Li on the cover. “Oh god! She’s so pretty,” he sighed, taking the magazine. Kageyama raised a brow at him and then shrugged.

                “There’s an article in there about her winning the Best Libero Award at the 2016 World Grand Prix if you want to read it,” Kageyama suggested and grabbed another off the top.

                “Pretty and talented,” Hinata groaned and clutched the magazine close to his chest for a moment. Then he started to flip through it, wanting to find that article.  It was okay because Kageyama also settled in comfortably to read through his own magazine. Hinata found himself leaning against the wall, thigh pressed against Kageyama’s.

                 It was silent for a long time as they read, and it was actually Kageyama who spoke first.

                “Are you gay?”

                Hinata startled and he looked up at Kageyama in confusion. Where did that come from? “I mean, kinda? I like boys…” he said slowly, staring at his friend with his head tilted to the side.

                “Yeah… but do you like girls?” Kageyama asked, reminding Hinata for a moment that as comfortable as he was, Kageyama still knew very little about him.

                “Oh. Yeah.  I like girls too. Boys. Girls. It’s all the same to me. What about you?” Hinata asked with a small, nervous smile. He played with the magazine, twisting it back and forth.

                Kageyama nodded and looked down at his magazine. “I like boys.”

                Hinata felt his heart flutter for a moment. It was strange and he didn’t want to think about it, so he didn’t.

                “Cool."

                 That’s all that was said about it. The rest of their conversation was about volleyball which did not make his hands sweaty or his heart beat funny. But he was still smiling like a fool as he waved a goodbye to Kageyama and his mom and started the bike ride up the mountain to head home before it got dark.

 

***

                Kageyama walked back inside and saw his mother standing there with the brightest smile on her face. “What’s that look for?” Kageyama asked with a heavy sigh as he trudged into the dining room where dinner was ready. He went ahead and took his seat, but waited on his mother to start eating.

                “Oh, nothing,” His mother said pleasantly. “Hinata just seems nice. It’s good to see you making friends.”

                Kageyama stuffed rice into his mouth and nodded in agreement. “Hinata is nice,” he mumbled through a full mouth. He was blushing lightly at the thought though. Was it really that weird for him to have a friend that his mother found it worth mentioning?

                “How close are you and Hinata?”

                Oh. That makes more sense. He narrowed his eyes slightly and shook his head. “It’s not like that. I told you. I like boys, mom.”

                They’d had that conversation months ago. He just didn’t like girls. At least that’s what he’d thought. Yet… he felt all funny around Hinata of all people. Maybe he was like Hinata and liked both? But he’d never been interested in any other girl! It didn’t really make sense, so he definitely wasn’t going to talk to his mom about it. She seemed eager enough already to push him onto the first girl he got along with.

                “I know. I know… I was just wondering if something had changed…” His mother said softly, looking down at the table probably in shame or embarrassment.

                Kageyama frowned and was quite for a moment while he chewed his food. Had something changed? He swallowed thickly and shook his head.

                “No. Nothing’s changed.”


	5. Chapter 5

                “Why do you think this Asahi guy will listen to me any better than his best friends?” Hinata asked Daichi and Suga who seemed to age in front of his very eyes at the question. Still, he stood arms crossed over his chest and watching them expectantly. They had caught him before school when he met up with Kageyama, and asked him to ask Asahi Azumane to return to the boys’ volleyball team. Which, Hinata would understand if he was on the team, but he wasn’t! But it seemed like they were going to ask it of Kageyama if he refused, so he wasn’t sure how long he could actually hold out.

                Suga and Daichi exchanged a look that read they had no good reason for Hinata to do this other than they had had this conversation with their friend far too many times for comfort. “We’ll let you practice with the team,” Daichi finally said.

                Hinata’s eyes widened at the offer. He had to be joking… “Why?”

                “Kageyama said you don’t like the girls’ team because it lacks discipline. He also says you’re a volleyball nut. So I figure… we get Asahi back on the team and you get to keep playing volleyball,” Daichi explained. It was probably out of his jurisdiction to offer something like that, but what was it going to hurt if a girl practiced with them? Come on! They needed Asahi!

                Hinata looked at Kageyama who was flushed and avoiding his eyes like he was Medusa or something. With a click of his tongue and a turn of his heels so he could walk away, Hinata said, “Fine. Consider it done.”

***

                Hinata didn’t often find himself hiding behind Kageyama (that’s a lie) but this time he had a very good excuse! And that excuse is third years are terrifying! They’re so big! And older which automatically makes them cooler (which, Kageyama disagrees with but only because he’s younger than Hinata).

                “Idiot! Will you stop hiding like that! You’re the one that wanted to come see the ace!” Kageyama complained.  Sure, Daichi and Sugawara had asked it of him, but he was the one that insisted on “reconnaissance”. Whatever that meant.

                “But the third year classrooms are scary!” He whined as HUGE third year passed them and suddenly he heard Suga’s voice calling for Asahi. Hinata looked at Suga and then up at the HUGE third year with widening eyes. This is their ace? What? How could a guy like him ever give up volleyball? He must be a beast!

                “You’re Asahi Azumane?” Kageyama asked in that dumb voice like he was unimpressed. How could he not be impressed? Stupid spoiled setter. Hinata would save it though for another time to point out his disrespect.

                “Yes… who are you? Are you two lost?” Asahi asked in a kind voice that made Hinata’s knees feel weak. Oh goodness. He’s a gentle giant.

                “Oh. Uh. These are the first years,” Suga explained, including Hinata as a member of the first years on the team without hesitation despite the confused look he got from Asahi. “Kageyama-san and Sho-chan. I guess I should introduce you two to Asahi.”

                “Oh. Nice to meet you two,” Asahi said with a bright smile.

                “You’re the ace!” Hinata stammered out, holding onto Kageyama’s sleeve tightly to keep from jumping up and down in excitement (it didn’t stop him).  “When are you coming back to practices!? I want to be an ace too and I’d love to see a real ace play in person!”

                Asahi’s smile fell from his face at that and he shook his head. “Sorry. I don’t play volleyball anymore.” A boy called for him, and Asahi glanced behind him before nodding and walking away from them.

                Kageyama looked to Suga immediately who looked utterly defeated. “Is he injured or something?” Why else would someone quit volleyball? Hinata couldn’t imagine it!

                “Asahi? Nah, he’s not injured. Physically, at least. He just doesn’t love playing anymore,” Suga explained, regretting not explaining this all before when his chest wasn’t aching so much from yet another rejection.

                “What happened?” Hinata asked, staring at Suga with brows scrunched together.

                In a sad voice, Suga relayed a tale of a brave, strong player who faced an impossible wall. A wall no one could break. And a player who took all the blame for that defeat on his shoulders. An ace who forgot that you win and lose as a team, no matter how strong one player is.

                Hinata didn’t voice this until much later when he was running with Kageyama to get to practice (because he was going to start practicing with a real boys’ volleyball team!). “Would you over do something like that? Stop loving volleyball?”

                Kageyama just scoffed at him. “You’re one to talk. Didn’t you do the same thing?”

                With a gasp Hinata stopped running. It took a couple seconds for Kageyama to stop as well and turned around to see what his big issues was.  “No!? I didn’t stop loving volleyball! How could you accuse me of something like that!?”

                Kageyama shrugged a little. “I don’t think Azumane-san stopped loving volleyball either,” he pointed out. “You always say the reason you quit is complicated, right? Well it’s probably complicated for him too. Now come on! Don’t make me late!”

                After a moment, Hinata grinned and jumped up excitedly! “That means there’s still a chance!” he cried happily and began running again.

***

                That night after practice, Hinata was certain they weren’t going to talk about Asahi. They’d been in the park for an hour passing the volleyball back and forth with increasingly ridiculous dramatics. Kageyama managed to pass it back under one leg so in return Hinata received and tossed it with his arms behind his back. Kageyama caught it with his knees, juggled it, and sent it back so Hinata had to hit it back with his head which was honestly a bad decision but it made Kageyama laugh. And in this sentence, laugh means to gently smile and blow air out his nose. But it was close enough for Hinata to count it!

                It was way after they’d both settled onto the grass and Hinata started star gazing that Kageyama finally brought it up. “I know you said it’s complicated… the reason why you quit volleyball… but do you think you can explain it to me now?”

                The most difficult part of all this was Kageyama didn’t sound half as grumpy and demanding as he usually did.

                Hinata let out a deep breath and kept his eyes trained on the vast, endless sky.  “I love volleyball. More than anything, really. So I had to quit… because being on that team was making me hate it. I just don’t want to hate something that makes me so happy.”

                Kageyama was quiet for a long time after that. To the point Hinata let himself relax.

                “And practicing with us doesn’t make you hate it?”

                Hinata shook his head.

                That seemed to be sufficient for Kageyama because he didn’t say anything else. He just looked back up at the stars. Hinata was too preoccupied with his own thoughts to witness it, but it wasn’t too long before Kageyama found much more beauty in the boy lying beside him than in any night sky.

***

                The next day during lunch, Hinata finally decided to confront Asahi and keep up his end of the deal made. That doesn’t mean, however, that he didn’t drag Kageyama along with him despite his complaints. Third year classrooms were still scary.

                “Azumane-san, there’s some girl here to see you,” Hinata heard his classmate say much to his consternation, but he kept as brave a face as he could… which isn’t all that brave, but he was trying!

                Soon the gentle giant stood before them looking utterly confused. Hinata didn’t wait for him to say anything before blurting out, “You have to come back and play!”

                Asahi let out a sigh and shook his head. “I can’t.”

                “You can!”

                “No, I can’t,” Asahi insisted in a soft voice. “I can’t visualize spiking over high walls now… I can’t…”

                Hinata stared at him for a moment before stepping back and tapping his fingers together nervously. “I’m probably going to just sound like some stupid first year girl…” he started with a heaving stomach.

                “No, go on,” Asahi insisted, tilting his head to the side. His eyes were so gentle and curious. It gave Hinata the chance he needed to swallow down his bile.

                “I know how you feel. I wanted to be a spiker for so long… and when I failed, I let my coach delegate me to being a libero because I couldn’t hit through the high blocks… but now. With this guy’s help,” he said, pointing to Kageyama with one hand as the other hugged his arm for reassurance, “it’s like the whole court opens up. You have this awesome chance to go out there and be the ace your team needs. A chance I won’t have. Please, don’t give up! Stop focusing on all the points lost and think about all the points you gained!”

                A slight smile pulled on Asahi’s lips at the thought and then he shook his head. “I’m sorry,” he said again before turning around and leaving them there.

                Hinata stared after him a moment with a curdling stomach.  He hadn’t said no. That’s all he needed to hold out hope for their ace. “He didn’t say no,” he said, looking up at Kageyama who stared back down at him and then at the door again. Kageyama nodded in agreement.

                “He didn’t say no.”


	6. Chapter 6

                Set. Jump. Hit. Victory. It seemed that easy for Kageyama and Hinata. Asahi found himself watching the two with an unmistakable ache in his chest. Everything they did was without inhibition, and at the end of the day, no matter the long hours they practiced together, no one but the lucky few at Karasuno would get to see the explosive nature of the two in combination. Yet every time Hinata drove the ball over the net, she crowed happily and celebrated.

                Asahi could remember feeling like that. The freedom of gliding through the air and the weight of the ball in his hand. More so, he remembered the feeling of pride that came with every spike. When volleyball had been a game, and not a responsibility. When had that changed?

                “You’re going to do awesome in the game against the Cats next week!” Hinata told Kageyama excitedly and that piqued Asahi’s interest.

                The Cats? Nekoma? They were finally going to have a match against Nekoma. He remembered Coach Ukai talking about Nekoma like they were rivals, but they never got the chance to play. It seemed like something had changed. “So they’re going to play Nekoma?” Asahi muttered to himself in disbelief.

                “It’s a practice match,” Daichi said from behind the ace, making Asahi jump. “It’ll be played on the last day of golden week.”

                Asahi’s face paled as he looked at Daichi and he immediately turned with a grunt to make his escape as fast as possible, but of course, Daichi was having none of that. “What do you mean ‘ugh’? Don’t run away from me!” He yelled and followed him.

                “You can be scary when you’re mad!” Asahi complained.

                But, of course, “I’m not mad at this moment!” Daichi said this, obviously mad. He took a breath and walked closer. “You know, to us, Nekoma was almost like a fairytale. Just some far off myth. And now… getting the chance to finally play them? I’m pumped, Asahi. Now, it’s the Cats versus Crows dumpster showdown. Our first rematch in years.” Daichi, for the life of him, couldn’t imagine Asahi could pass up that opportunity either.

                Asahi’s gaze casted down and he shook his head. “I’m too ashamed to face Suga or Nishinoya.”

                “I’ve got to hand it to you,” Daichi scoffed, “ for a big guy, you sure are timid! The exact opposite of Nishinoya!”

                “Hey! I thought you were supposed to be nice!”

                “No when you’re being a coward. Don’t worry, Suga and Nishinoya don’t have a problem with it. Things like skipping practice for a month, they don’t really matter in the long run,” Daichi said, turning around and walking towards the gym to see Kageyama and Hinata still practicing like they’d never be able to play volleyball again. “If you still love volleyball, that’s ample reason to come back. And… also… we’ve got this girl. She dreams of being an ace… she can’t even play for us, but she practices harder than any guy who’s on this team. Say, Asahi, if she can stand with us knowing she can’t play, what’s really holding you back?”

 

* * *

                Little did Hinata know that practice that afternoon would change the course of the rest of his life. It started as normal as possible. Helping set up and stretching and bickering with Kageyama.

                “I’m telling you! If you get an egg up your butt, you’ll hard boil it!” Hinata insisted, grunting when Kageyama pushed on his back to get him to stretch further.

                “And _I’m_ telling _you_ that there’s no way to get an egg up there without breaking it,” Kageyama retorted.

                “Practice, patience, and lubricant can accomplish many things!”

                Kageyama’s face went red at that. Did Hinata even think before speaking? The answer is no, of course not.

                Thankfully, their bickering was cut short by a blond man walking in with Takeda. Kageyama released Hinata and offered a hand to pull him up as they all gathered to attention.

                “Allow me to introduce to you Ukai, your coach as of today.” Takeda was usually a soft spoken man, but he seemed so proud of himself in that moment. A silence swept the gym. It took Daichi coming forward and asking for confirmation to break the trance.

                Oh. He was only their coach until after the Nekoma game. Ukai called for them to all to get back to practicing because he was bringing in some players for a practice match.

                Hinata shifted to the side and crossed his arms over his chest.  “I guess I should get going then,” he mumbled to Kageyama who frowned and nodded. Hinata sighed and walked over to grab his water bottle and bag when he heard a snap of a phone so loud it startled him.

                “You. Orange one,” Ukai yelled. “What do you think you’re doing?”

                Hinata looked from side to side and then pointed at his things. “Uh, leaving?”

                “Leaving? Like hell you are. Get back to warming up!” Ukai barked and started mumbling about his libero not being able to make it.

                 Hinata looked over at Kageyama who shrugged. Well, Hinata wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth. “Yes, sir!” He said and beamed over at his friend before running back over to Kageyama, jumping on his back much to the taller boy’s annoyance.

                Ukai looked at Daichi with a grimace. “What’s the orange one’s issue?”

                Daichi looked over to Kageyama and Hinata and his eyes widened, realizing Coach Ukai’s mistake. He shared a look with Takeda for a moment before shaking his head. “No, issue. He- he’s a good player and a hard worker.”

                 And Ukai seemed to accept that without a problem.

               

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter! I hopefully will be updating as I rewatch the show this summer so be on the look out!


	7. Chapter 7

The air in the clubroom was busy and excited as everyone came down the excitement of getting a new coach and playing a scrimmage match with the neighborhood team. Even Shouyou had been dragged into the clubroom despite his reluctance, but Daichi had all but carried him in there after practice.

Everyone began changing out and he just shifted nervously, sitting on the bench and wondering if he was allowed to change out too or if that would be weird. He didn’t have too much time to wallow in his anxiety because Daichi stood on the bench opposite him and yelled for everyone’s attention. Suga stood at his side, a smile on his deceptively gentle face and mischief in his eyes.

Hinata watched as everyone went silent and the second years seemed to shift uncomfortably, probably wondering if they were in trouble. Besides Tanaka, who was bouncing on his heels happily and kept sneaking looks with Suga and Nishinoya, of course, who barely stopped his excited chatter as he’d been forcing himself on Asahi, ready to let bygones be bygones and go back to being best friends, obviously. Asahi was the one in that duo who was avoiding eye contact and shifting his weight from side to side as he changed out.

“Alright, so as some of you are aware, we have a special member of our team, Miss Hinata here,” Daichi began and Hinata already felt his insides twisting at being referred to as such and being called out, “has a very dynamic partnership with our genius first year setter, Kageyama. And it has come to our attention that our new coach thinks Hinata is a guy.”

There was a beat of silence.

“So, Suga, Tanaka, and I were talking. And we think… we should roll with this little misunderstanding and use it to our advantage. What do you think, Hinata?” Daichi asked, looking him down like his gaze could convince him.

Hinata didn’t need to be told twice. “I’m in!” He chirped, and winced at his own high voice but he grinned anyway. He felt Kageyama’s energy shift beside him even if his face remained neutral and his posture didn’t shift, there was a spark in his eye that belied his excitement.

“Anyone have a problem with it?” Daichi asked. If anyone did, Hinata couldn’t imagine them saying no to the stern look that Daichi possessed, like he was daring anyone to challenge him

“No problem with it,” Tsukkishima spoke up, and Hinata looked his way with an ache in his chest as he waited for the - “but,” -and there it is- “the school won’t allow it. If we’re going to pull this off, we need to convince the school that Hinata in a boy.”

The silence that came over them was heavy before Hinata perked up.

“It’s alright. I have an idea!”

 

* * *

 

“Miss Shimizu, that’s a very serious accusation that you’re making,” the vice principal said as he leaned forward and looked between the quiet third year girl and the first year boy who sat shifting in his seat. “I would disregard if  _ Mr.  _ Hinata hadn’t came to us this summer and requested for us to listen to this transgender nonsense. And we told you we do not allow such deviance at our school! To see you’ve been lying to teachers and students alike. I expect to see you in your proper uniform first thing tomorrow, young man.”

Hinata did his best to look torn apart at his news, eyes wide and watery as he tried to contain his joy.

“Yes, sir, I understand,” he mumbled, looking down and glancing over at Shimizu who was doing her best to stay composed. 

“Thank you so much, Miss Shimizu,” the older man said and shallowly bowed to her as he stood up and lead her out the door

As Hinata watched her go, well, never in his young life had he been so happy for his mother to be called to the school. Even she was shocked by how easily these grown people could misunderstand how being transgender works. But if it worked to their advantage, who were they to complain? 

On the drive home, his mother was quiet for most of the trip until finally she asked, “Okay, how did you manage that? I love you, sweetie, but that seems far too clever for something you’d manage to think of.”

Well, that hurt.

“Well,” Hinata drew out and grinned, “I’ve been practicing with the boy’s volleyball club. And the coach thought I was boy. And the whole team kinda agreed to help me trick the school into letting me be on the boy’s team because me and Tobio are really good. I suggested we hack into the school’s computer system and change all my information, but then one of the guys, Ennoshita, suggested that we just pretend like I’ve been pretending to be a girl and get the school to think I was already tricking them.”

Which was clever. And he admired Ennoshita for thinking of it. If only he’d thought to do it in the first place. Having Shimizu being the one who was “outing” him only made since if he was pretending to be a girl. And she’d been so nice to go along with it. They could all get in so much trouble if they were found out, and while he knew no one knew how much it meant to him, he appreciated it still. He could finally just be Hinata Shouyou all the time.

“I’m happy for you, sweetie. I just hope this doesn’t come back to bite you,” His mom said with a soft smile. “I guess we can get your testosterone then. I’ll call your doctor when we get home, okay?”

Hinata looked out the window to hide the tears. “Thanks, mom,” he muttered, his voice breaking with emotion. She just reached over and patted his shoulder.

It was scary. But she did hope that her son would be safe, no matter what happened. Hopefully he’d made good friends that would make the transition easier.


End file.
